Endangered Species: A Ferguson Reflection

ENDANGERED defined:

Endangered but Protected...

[en-deyn-jerd]

Adjective

1. threatened with danger
• "endangered lives of the coal miners"
2. threatened with extinction
• "the bald eagle may be endangered"
3. threatened with danger and with extinction
• "African American men are endangered"

That's how I felt when I woke up the day after the decision that Officer Wilson was no indicted on any charges for the death of Michael Brown.  I watch online from the aerial view how the town of Ferguson had smoke and fire billowing from it.  I watch how I-44 was blocked off and hundreds of people protesting their anger and frustrations about the verdict.  My stomach started to sour and my mind began to malaise.  I began to feel that "not again" feeling.  African American males are punished with death.  

My wife is 15 weeks pregnant.  We don't know the temptation of the baby, but today I find myself tempted to pray, "Lord, let it not be a boy." That's pretty messed up huh? The fact that I don't want a son growing up in this society with his skin tone and with the reputation that this country has with its treatment of Black men is clouding up the God-Given joy of having a child.  He would look like me, and I today would be both proud and ashamed.  Proud that something like that could be produced from my wife and I, and ashamed because I will feel limited in my ability to protect him.

He would be on the endangered list, as I am.

My lament isn't a cover-up for anger, because I am definitely angry.  Very angry! I keep playing the scenario in my mind, wondering how 6-10 shots could come off as self-defense.  I tried to figure out how an unarmed man would reach into the car of a police officer knowing the consequences.  I wonder HOW IN THE HELL would anybody who is of African descent and who's ancestors have been here for more than 3 generations would try to ACCOST a police officer, UNARMED WITHOUT THINKING THAT DEADLY RETALIATION WOULD NOT HAPPEN?!?! I've grown up here and there's NO WAY, NOOO WAAAY we as Black folk are taught that to be correct behavior.  It goes against the DIRECTIVE of SURVIVAL of the BLACK COMMUNITY to do such a thing! 

But that is what is believed.  A jury believed it.  They judged the circumstance like they were replay officials for a a football game. No indisputable evidence.

Of course there's no disputable evidence.  The strongest disputable evidence is buried 6 feet in Ferguson, MO.  The dead can't testify, give an account, communicate a different narrative.  The cop has the benefit of the doubt, the system on his side, and the deeply passed privileged that he works on the side of the law, which protects everyone and everyone should adhere to.  The problem with this law is that no every feels protected by it, and adherence has caused death just as much as crime seems to.

I'm not excited to be a black man today.  I'm nervous to birth one. I'm hopeless to encourage one.  I'm nauseous to know that others may assume me dangerous or justifiably killed one day.

Endangered and Not Protected

If I had a wish, it would be for those who are not African American or Black to have 24 hours as one. In those 24 hours they would experience without death all of the fears and concerns that many of us experience on a daily basis.  They would have the ability to hear all of the assumptions unspoken about themselves.  They would see every concerning glance, every car door locked, every purse clutched, every flinch when they reach out, every eye roll when they aren't moving or doing things quick enough. That'd be an interested experiment...

Jesus and Michael Brown

Hello friends and Central Region community,

I’ve been slowly processing what’s been going on in the Ferguson community and how this might affect our region and students.  So many things have already been said about it, the ways we need to listen, and lament, and learn.  I am truly grateful for the leadership in our community on so many levels, so I don’t want to restate what has already been said.  I just want to share my narrative and hopefully we can see from it together what the Lord might be doing in the midst of this tragedy.

I grew up in a pretty violent place in Chicago, IL, the notable “Southside” of Chicago, where violence this year has been notably high.  There are so many stories I could share with about the how the police interacted with the community.  Even now, as I ponder watching police walk people across the street on hands and knees, ordered by the police to do so, it leaves me in confusion.  If they were gang members, why not just leave them there in the open area for other police to arrive? Why not set up cones so they wouldn’t get hit on a four way major street?  I struggle with wondering why the relationship between the police and people where I grew up was so bitter.

Yet, I’ve seen the other side, where violence in the community became so rampant, you just had to wonder if normal force would be helpful.  I remember seeing a man run from one high-rise building (16 story low income housing) to another.  The first building housing a rival gang from the one the man ran into.  It became known that this man was a drug-addict who stole drugs from the rival gang leader.  This could have become a major gang war, but an eerie community based solution occurred.  The other gang brought the man out of the building and together…both gangs beat the man to death right up under my 3^rd story window.  Rocks, big rocks, punches, and a bike was even thrown on this man.  It was literally a stoning of a person! There must have been 50-70 people out there. I remember as an 11 year old, wondering how could I survive in an area with such twisted justice?  For myself at that time, I would’ve loved to seen police come in, make everyone lie on the ground, just to stop the level of violence that was happening.

Then, there’s the personal experience, where I was bringing home pizza where I lived, and police began to swarm the building, most likely trying to catch drug dealers in the moment.  As I was coming in, the police stopped me, put me against the wall spread my hands, and began checking the pizza for “drugs.” Right at that moment, some bullies came through, saw what was happening and started to go through my pockets and rob me at the same time.  I call out to the police, and they just say, “Don’t you move!” So while I was being “searched” I was robbed at the same time while police were present!

Wouldn’t that throw off your understanding of what it means for police to “serve and protect?” So now, we have another controversy, we have the Michael Brown shooting, and once again, we are seeing the world split up.  What are we to do as a community?  What would Jesus do?

I think the question, “What would Jesus do” is not the right question.  The question I think we should focus on is, “What has Jesus done?” What has Jesus done to solve violence, and pain, and suffering? What has Jesus done to bring healing, and freedom? Everything; Jesus has done everything.  His death is why we live.  His suffering is why we are free.  His atonement is why we are free from penalty.  We look towards Jesus first before we look to the community, the police, the media, and blogs for answers. 

We as believers can show the world what it truly means to repent and believe in something greater than our circumstances.  We have the opportunity to show those affected and hurt by this situation that the light of the world is here and darkness cannot comprehend it (John 1).  This is the InterVarsity Central Region scripture focus:

“Therefore, since we have such a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every weight that hinders, and sin that so easily entangles us.  And let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith.  Who for the joy set before him endured the cross despising its shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the thrown of God. Consider him, who endured much from sinful man, so that you will not grow weary and be fainthearted. (Hebrews 12: 1-3)”

The “therefore” can be seen as “since the circumstances are as such.” Which means, since we see pain, and brokenness and bitterness, and hatred in our world, there WE who follow the Lord of Light in the midst of this darkness, since we are the ones in the kingdom of light, a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight that hinders.  And what is the weight? The weight of this world, the weight of sin, the weight of the tragedy of Michael Brown, which is not to say “do not deal with is” but place the weight where it belongs, on Jesus and on the cross. 

Every weight and sin, and yes, let us not deny the fact that sin in involved.  Sinful people, men, women, blog, thoughts, arguments, comments, commentators, abounds! We can become entangled by the sin of gossip from this situation.  But where sin is, grace can demolish it! The grace of God has the power to topple the current narrative, which is that we as a people hate each other.  Grace says, God’s power is stronger than our hatred, and even more so, it’s overwhelming.  Jesus says, hate me instead of each other, and watch me put an end to sin, and give you the freedom to tear down the walls of hostility (Ephesians 2). 

We as the Christian community are Spiritual Marathon Runners.  We are given endurance from on high and the pacing set by Jesus, who runs before us to endure such suffering.  The race we are running is a race won.  We are going for second place, because Jesus has already completed it! That means, sin, which is trying to run the same place, cannot win.  The brokenness of this world CANNOT and WILL NOT win, praise Jesus.

Do you understand that Jesus has run this race with joy before him? Jesus was constantly focused on the father in heaven? Why not we, as the cloud of witnesses set our sights there as well?  The Lord will have dominion over pain, over Ferguson, over Missouri, the US, and the world.  Let us focus on the one whose reign will reign on this earth. 

Jesus has run this race, though knowing that suffering was a part of it.  The world could have been eradicated because of our sin and brokenness. God has just cause, even without Ferguson to destroy us, but his plan is redemption and justice, not purely destruction. 

Jesus watches us, and cheers for us, and intercedes for us, and he says, “FINISH IT FRIENDS!” Jesus isn’t just interested in only himself finishing the race, though because we are on his team, we WIN! Jesus wants each of his citizens to finish as well.  He wants people who will SUMMIT the mountain not faint hearted or weary, but full of vitality and hope.

Let us use that vitality and hope to run the race of speaking truth of the Gospel in the Michael Brown situation, because it may the only the Gospel they see through the gossip.  It’s easy how we can confuse the two, and our dying world needs the right prescription.  I hope this letter of service and love, and encouragement to our community. May the Lord reign in Ferguson, MO, in the family of Michael Brown, on our campuses in the Central Region, the US, and in the world.

Come Lord Jesus,

Tony Gatewood

Child of God

Central Region Intervarsity Staff

Momentary Minority-Ness

time to get it out!

I got that itch again...about to EXHALE!

Makes sense though...I usually get the itch whenever I feel stress.  It's been a pretty hectic season, not overwhelming, but hectic, so I decided to get some thoughts out.

OKAY, so yesterday I had the opportunity to be a part of a black panel discussion at a college campus.  It was a class of all white students with a white teacher wanting to learn about black people and black culture.  Sounds weird?  On just the surface, its a little alarming!  What do they want to ask? Is this a "Show and Tell" for black people? I'd have to say that the teacher seemed genuine enough about it, and I'm always down for a little racial drama to absorb, so a good friend ask me if I'd do it, and I said yes.

Now, as we began our discussing with each other, roundtable style, each white person in the room got to share about the racial experiences they've had in life.  Now, I'm not going to share their responses out of respect to the vulnerability they showed, but I did notice a common trend among them all.  When asked about their racial experiences, they also mentioned a time where THEY felt like a minority.

I found this very intriguing, because they each communicated about a time when they were the only person of their race in a situation and how they felt like a minority.  So, for me this begged the question, "About how many hours out the day do you feel like a minority?" Some answered, "just that time" or something close to that.  Then I asked the 5 black panelist the same question, "About how many hours out of the day do you feel like a minority?" With a chuckle, each said something to the effect of "when isn't there a time?"

This got me going and thinking...I've heard many of my white friends speak about being a minority, having a minority experience, as close to an ethnic/racial experience they can.  Most of them who do say this cite a racial experience, not that they say, "well, one time I was the only left handed person int he room.  I felt lonely and awkward."  I don't hear that.

picture is from www.blackpeopleloveus.com

My response to the groups of people in there was to say, "Actually, what you experience is what I'd call MOMENTARY MINORITY-NESS. It's a brief dip into the realization that your cultural ways of doing things and saying things isn't normalized  Its a moment that happens every so often where you realize you're different, and you see communities of others that are different.  But what is, is just a moment."

What I said to them, and what I'm communicating here right now is that speaking about being a minority can be not only subjective (anyone can find out what makes them unqiue, then in term look at that uniqueness and consider themselves alone/a minority), but for many who's privilege doesn't bring them that point of minority-ness daily, is a small plunge.

That affect of this can sometimes be the undervaluing of someone who truly feels and lives life as a minority.  Of course, I deal with ethnic/racial minority issues in my life mostly, so I can only really speak from that point.  But, I STRUGGLE when I hear white people say they are a minority, and then used that small sample to articulate what they may feel as "true for all people who are minorities."

"I'm not fitting in well" says the peanut butter and chocolate ones...

I wake up: "I'm a minority."  I brush my teeth, "I'm a minority."  I go to a African American literature at the university here, "I'm NOT a minority!" Once I step out the class, "I'm a minority again."  I go to church, "I'm a minority.' Do you understand the stress of thinking about how you will articulate yourself to others so much? EXHAUSTION!

"Well Tony, What do you want us to do" I imagine being asked by my white friends.  I can tell you. 

1. For one, the best way to relate to another minority about their experience isn't to share with them your only experience not being a majority.  The opposite happens and we actually see how privileged you are, not how empathetic you are.
2.  If someone sees your experience and says that not close to what they are experiencing, don't get offended! White culture values folks with expertise, and minorities are EXPERTS on being a minority.
3. Empathy could work this way as well, "That sucks! I'm really sorry that is your life-long experience." or, "Hey, any time you wanna vent, I'll listen and not qualify your words or try to get you to rationalize your experience."

That's a good start.

My Work With InterVarsity: Fall 2013

Hello friends!

I also like to post my ministry updates here.  What I'm doing with my work with InterVarsity.  I hope you enjoy this as well!  Got some thoughts about future posts, so stay tuned!

Tony

373 Words: A Verdict and An Appeal

Tragedy does have to destroy a people...

Most people have already said it enough.  A young life was ended and we are left as a community, a humanity to figure out how in the world we make sense of it. A jury came back and considered the death of a young black man inconsequential relative to a ridiculous law.  I didn’t think I would ache this much about this, but I do. What I’m irked about the most isn’t the verdict given, or the outrage of others.  What is irking me the most is how most of my white friends haven’t even posted a thought about it.  I spent time just looking through Facebook and I just noticed how most of my white friends haven't even mentioned it, but for many of my Black friends, its on the forefront of their mind.  That’s what power is, when you can ignore something that has such a strong effect on such a large community. You can ignore it because it honestly doesn’t affect your day-to-day right?  What does the verdict of Trayvon Martin do to your outlook on the day? The experience of loss and anger and frustration will be long forgotten by the people who are least affected by it. 

Meanwhile, there are those, namely African Americans, who have to carry the burden of realizing that as much progress we can make in this country or the economic strides we can achieve, senseless verdicts such as these will always be made.  It reminds me and many other Black folks that we are all still in the same barrel.  How easy it seemed to demonize Trayvon.  How easy it seemed to humanize Zimmerman.

For all the Black folk I know and love and I don’t know, but still love; we will get though this.  You’re angry, I know.  It doesn’t seem fair, and folk who don’t look like us seem to always get away with crime.  I want to let you know, YOU ARE STRONG.  You come from a mighty and great group of people.  Do not drop your value with violence or anger against white folk, not all of them are like this. Stay focused, we will get through this and our community WILL thrive.  One decision does not change that.

31st Birthday Reflection Part 2: Alive at 31

I was pretty absorbed into the thought of death at 19.  I believed it so much so, that for me, it was a certainty.  How many times can one be jumped on by people and not die?  How many times can there be shooting around you, and you not think you'll get hit by a stray bullet.  I was actually sitting on a porch with my cousin and a guy on a bicycle pulled a gun out and started shooting at the porch!  I figured that something evil was really out to get me and would eventually succeed.  My mom couldn't even trust me with money because I got robbed so much!

So, you would think when I found Jesus that this thought process would heal right?  Not really.  See, I gave my life over to God in a Wendy's outside of the Robert Taylor Homes (more like prison buildings).  I'll have to tell you my salvation story another time, because its kinda wild!  Anyways, when I started following God, my worldview about my death hadn't changed, my view on my destination however did. So, I thought that when I die, I'd go to heaven! It was great for a moment.  Dying didn't seem so bad when I would look at death in this light.  Then, I became intrigued by heaven and how things would end.  So I would read the book of revelation EVERYDAY!  I WAS OBSESSED WITH THE BOOK OF REVELATION!  I just wanted to know how things would end! The drama, the battles, the victory, the finality, it was really satisfying for me.  I would then go around and tell people about this book, "Hey, have you read this book?  It's CRAZY!  Are you a Christian?  Yeah?  Well, guess what, WE WIN!!!"

I laugh thinking about myself at the age, just a little boy, voice cracking, tasting something for the first time really feels like hope.  What was funny, was when I turned 20!  I was a sophomore in college at this time and I as REALLY depressed.  Freshman year I put on the usually 35 - 50 lbs going from 185 to 230 in college!  My sophomore year however, I was so depressed at the idea of dying that I stopped eating much, and I had dropped down to 199 (can't wait to see that weight again!).  I remember sitting in my room with all the lights off wondering when it would happen.  I figured it would most likely happen when I would go home.  "It's been good Jesus," I would say.  "Thank you for the bonus time."  

For some crazy reason, I said yes to a missions trip that summer in Los Angeles.  I thought, "Well if I don't die, then I'll go a missions trip and die a martyr!  The book of revelation had some good stuff to say about martyrs..."  It's so funny thinking back about this time of life for me.  Well, I went back home after that college year, and you know what?  I didin't die?  Crazy!!!

I remember turning 20 on the mission field and I kid you not, I distinctly heard God say to me, "Don't you know that I have more plans for you than you can imagine?"  That hit me at the heart.  I've never thought that God might have plans for me, or that His plans could supersede my fatalism.  I was stunned.  I had been living a sham made out of conjecture and fear.  What would life be like without the fear of death looming always?

Today's my birthday...I'm 31 years old.  It means a lot to me, not that I'm older, or that many people could see me as young, but that I'd lived a great deal of my life an EMOTIONAL TERMINAL ILLNESS, and God healed me.  God proved himself to my life the best way for my circumstances, by proving me wrong about my death.  The demise of Tony Gatewood was greatly exaggerated by yours truly, Tony Gatewood.  

Right now my wife is asleep, my daughter tucked away in her room.  I still rock her in my arms even though she's a bit lanky and older.  I wanna keep doing it until I can't.  She'll live out birthdays prayerfully without the same sickness I once had.  I can feel tears in my eyes, is it my 31st birthday, or 12 years of being proved wrong.  I can't really tell right now...

31st Birthday Reflection Part 1: Dead at 19

Sounds pretty dramatic huh?  Well, to be honest I really thought this about myself.  I remember growing up in the projects of Chicago and constantly dealing with fights and fearing being able to just go outside and plan.  My mom a lot of the time had to push me out of the house just to go and get some exercise.  I remember a time when I was about 13 years old when I was playing for my high school baseball team.  I was wearing my baseball jersey back home from a game and I felt really proud.  I took the green line from Ashland and 69th to 55th and MLK drive.  Some of you from Chicago might know what I'm talking about.  There were only three people in the train caboose (can't remember the right word at the moment lol), A middle aged woman, and older male, and myself.  This was probably around the mid-nineties.  The older male comes over to me, sits down, and says these exact words, "When you get off the train, I'm going to rob you and I'm going to kill you."  You have NO idea how terrified I was!  I was a little kid! This asshole was bigger than me, and I figured out a long time ago that I was a pacifist.  I didn't like fighting or confrontations, I wouldn't fight even if there was a large group around me pushing me to fight.  Anyways, tears are streaming down my eyes as this guy starts to have a NORMAL conversation with me!  Are you serious?  He starts to talk to me about baseball, and growing up, asking me how I'm doing, etc.  It is still to this date one of the most wicked experiences I had, and during a formative time for me. 

There was something different for me during this period of life as well.  I was being witnessed to by Korean Americans with the Gospel of Jesus.  I remember going to a bible study and them teaching about prayer.  "When we pray, God hears our request and is willing to answer us" they would tell us.  What a fine time to apply this right?  So as this guy is talking to me, I'm ignoring him and praying to Jesus, asking him to protect me from this man and save me from this harm that going to happen. 

People don't have cell phones during this period of time, well few people.  Beepers is what it has been all about.  So when the lady, the other person on the train pulls out a phone and begins to say out loud on the phone, "Hello, police, there is a man on this train threatening to kill this young boy," my mouth was stuck on astonishment.  What happened next was freaky.  When she did that, the man looked at me, GROWLED at me, and ran off the train, ONE STOP BEFORE MINE!  Thanks be to God! I ran FULL SPRINT back home and to this day, I've never ridden the green line in Chicago again!

Experiences like that happened to me more often than I've wanted to claim, and though there has been Godly intervention all the time, my world began to change.  I had NO CHANCE to survive this world..  I was prey to everyone, and eventually I was going to get it.  I heard a statistic that said "Young black men who live past 19 years old have a high chance to live longer." I thought to myself, "That's definitely not me..."

I'll finish the last part of this later today, wanted to start out with a  little birthday blogging!  Love to hear your thoughts!